once again boyfriend saves the day
third cold sore in a month
i’m so fucking scared i don’t know what to do
i’m scared of going to the doctor because i’ll have to do a blood test and i’m scared shitless of the results
do you know why i love kaneki? yes, it’s the good ol’ cliche of ‘i find myself in this character’. kaneki was 18 when his life turned upside down. i was too. i am taking the liberty of drawing a parallel between kaneki’s tragedy and mine, even though if you observe it superficially it cannot be compared, true. but i don’t live in the ghoul world. this was my tragedy. my father’s death was my tragedy. it changed my life and the way i think and look at things completely.
the way kaneki’s reactions are drawn in the manga, his face, his expressions….it’s something that stayed in my mind. the style is really expressive, and it perfectly delivers the feeling of sheer terror. and every time i see a panel where kaneki is scared, desperate and shocked, i see a bit of myself. i see my head, and i see my mind and i think ‘if my feelings had an expression it would be this terrified crying face of an innocent kid who had to grow up too soon’.
and things always seem to keep getting worse for him. even though he’s fighting, even though he keeps on finding strength somewhere inside, he’s gradually losing himself along the way. he’s nowhere near the same person he was, and well, neither am i.
how unsightly we are.
someone tell me it’s fine because i cannot do this.
i don’t have an old me in my head who can reach for my tired crying face and say it’s fine.
why am i re-reading tokyo ghoul
kaneki is suffering so much from the very beginning and i know it won’t get better for him and dear god my bby, someone give him a warm beverage, a blanket and a kiss on the forehead. i want to protect that child so much. no more bad things for kaneki please.
hello there ^^ and thanks :)
1. i sometimes like my neuroticism
2. my fingers